See you over there!

It’s ok to think about what you want to do till it is time to do what you were meant to do.
-from “The Rookie”

Isn’t that a great quote? Every once in a while I see parts of the movie “The Rookie” and everytime I hear that line in the movie, I find myself writing it down. Obviously, something about it resonates with me.

It makes me ponder several things. What time is it in my life? Is it possible to think too much about what we want to do that we miss the opportunity right in front of us to do what we were meant to do?

In the movie, it’s the relationship the baseball player has with his dad that keeps his son on track with what he was meant to do. Maybe it’s the relationships that we intently build that will help us know when it’s time to do what we were meant to do. I’m reading a book called “Who’s got Your Back?” by Keith Ferrazzi. It’s about building life-line relationships with a few people that will honestly provide us encouragement and feedback in helping us reach our full potential. I think those kinds of relationships are incredible gifts…and appropriately named by Ferrazzi – as life-line relationships. They don’t happen overnight. They are built over time and built intentionally.

I leave you with two things to consider. What time is it in your life? And, who are the life-line relationships in your life?

Why does it really matter? It matters because those dreams inside of us are more than just about me or you. Those dreams are also about the people we will help, impact, and influence as move towards our dreams.

As we advance towards our dreams, there are seasons where everything seems to fall into place and the dreams become reality rather quickly. Then there are seasons where it is all we can do just to move even little bit towards our dreams. But the key is, moving forward – whether it be seemingly little or a lot.

I think many times we think “Life is happening all around me, there is no time to follow my dreams.” Reality seems to snuff out our dreams. But, could it be, that in the midst of reality there are seeds that can potentially grow our dreams? I’m finding that as we embrace reality along with our dreams (instead of seeing them as clashing) it’s easier to find those little seeds that make our dreams a part of our reality. Being able to embrace the season we are in and knowing it’s a part of our dreams makes all the difference. We smile more. We laugh more. We live more.

Find ways to move towards your dreams in the midst of life as it is today. I believe that whatever the situation we’re in the midst of, there’s something in that situation that helps us get closer to our dreams. I am in a season right now where moving forward seems very slow. The enthusiasm and the energy has waned. There has been some bumps along the way. My focus has shifted to do just what is in front of me and to do it well. For me, maybe that is what advancing looks like in this season.

If you’re in a place right now where it seems reality has nothing to do with your dreams, try a new perspective. Go digging for those seeds, seeds that just might be a part of growing your dream. If your dream is to write a book, maybe the seed is to journal. If your dream is to be an artist, maybe the seed is to go look at art. Study it. Study the colors. Study the strokes. Study the style. If your dream is to run a business, maybe the seed is to do whatever is within your sphere of responsibility with excellence. If your dream is to impact your community, maybe the seed is to do something for your neighbor.

No matter how small it may seem, let’s advance toward our dreams.

Digging Deeper

What are your dreams?

Which direction are you moving—towards your dreams or away from them?

What seeds can you begin to water, to nourish, to grow, in the midst of your reality?

I don’t think there is a clear-cut answer to that question, but I do think there are principles we can work into our lives that will help us make the best choice in the heat of the moment. I gleaned these principles from watching one of my favorite movies “Anna and the King”. It’s based on Anna Leonowens move to Siam in the mid-1800s and the influence she had in that country. Although there is controversy surrounding the accuracy of the film, there are principles within the film worth looking at.

Anna is an Englishwoman, not only in a foreign culture, but in a culture where women are nothing. Yet, through it all, she remains Anna. How does one stay true to who they are, yet remain flexible, compassionate, and adaptive to the ever-changing environment of which they live?

Let me share some of the principles I gleaned from the film.

Remain truthful. In spite of the odds against you, even if it’s a whole culture against you, remain truthful. Truth can cause major conflict. Truth sometimes carries a high price. Remaining truthful keeps that foundation of solidity under you from which you are able to stand.

Be courageous. Here’s how Anna puts it, “While the customs here surprise and sometimes even frighten me, I must remember that I can show no fear-not to my own son, not to my students, and never to the king.” It’s not that there aren’t moments of being afraid, but it’s what you do with those moments. Being courageous requires trepidation. Let your courage show. Move ahead in spite of fear.

Choose your battles carefully. There’s a time to give in. There’s a time to stand. Before we are in the heat of the moment, take time to understand what’s important to you.  What are the principles from which you cannot budge? Stand up for those. Be ready to fight for those, but don’t waste your time on the less important ones. Otherwise, as the saying goes, we may win the battle, but lose the war.

Understand your grid. A line in the movie says, “The people of Siam do not see the world as it is, but as they are.” Our experiences, our families, our growing up years-all shape how we view the world. Another person with different experiences, from a different family, from a different country will view the world differently. Is one right and the other wrong? Not necessarily. Together, we provide a broader and more accurate picture of the world.

Be strong, yet compassionate. The King describes Anna as “She speaks with the courage of a warrior, has the tenacity of a river but shows the compassion of a gentle surprise.” Strength involves compassion. Without compassion, strength quickly becomes brutal power.

Understand the impact of one life. Anna was one person, yet she changed forever the future of Siam. That’s the power of one life—fully lived, fully given. There is no one else in this world that can do what you can do. You may not be called to change a country, but you are called—called to live out who you are.

The next time you find your identity under pressure, consider this list:

• Remain truthful
• Be courageous
• Choose your battles carefully
• Understand your grid
• Be strong, yet compassionate
• Understand the impact of one life

May we remain true to who we are, even when we are under pressure.

Recommended Viewing

Anna and the King. There are a few intense scenes in the movie, but I love the story.
Sarah Plain and Tall Trilogy. Three videos that follow the story of a family trying to survive in the harsh environment of the Kansas plains in the early 1900s.  Sarah, suddenly transplanted from the luxurious, green, beautiful coast of Maine to the harsh reality of dry and windy Kansas shows us how to remain true to who we are. We see the rest of the family doing the same as they struggle through the hard times and are committed to do life together.

A single star can light the dark.
A single smile can warm a heart.
A single hand can lift a Life.
A single voice can speak the truth.
A single life can make a difference.
- Anonymous

The quote above comes from a plaque given to me many years ago by close friends. It speaks volumes to me, especially as a single person. But it applies to all of us. No matter who we are, we can make a difference.

Too often we think we need to do something big to make a difference. I think it can be the ‘little ‘things that make the biggest difference. Let me share how it is the little things that have made the biggest difference for me.

My nephew was killed in a car accident last November. As I continue to process through the grief of losing a loved one, it has been the seemingly little things that have strengthened me, encouraged me, and  sustained me in this sometimes overwhelming journey.

It is receiving a hug from a friend or a text message from someone whom I didn’t know at the time – saying we’re praying for you. It is someone taking the time to have ‘tea’ with me. It is receiving a card months later from someone who just wants me to know they are thinking of me. It is someone taking the time to plant a tree in memory of my nephew. It is someone willing to let me still cry when I need to. I could go on… but you get the idea. It isn’t the ‘big’ things, it’s the little things that make a difference.

Who is in your life that you could share a smile with this week, or send a note, or give a hug? Do a ‘small’ thing this week to make a big difference in someone’s life.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.  My odometer rolled over to 90 [last] August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.”

Such moments are times of testing. Will we succumb or will we endure? Will we turn and run from such moments or will we embrace them? I believe our response is determined by our perspective of such moments. Do we approach these moments as a battle, that we just need to fight harder? Or, do we see them as opportunities for reflection, for evaluating what is really going on inside of us? And, maybe even allow the struggle to turn into a cleansing?

There may be a myriad of reasons why such moments occur—some beyond our understanding. But, let’s take a look at two possibilities.

How often do we struggle because we’re yearning for approval from those around us? We look to others for affirmation. If we’re feeling insecure we will tend to look to others for approval. Exterior affirmations will never be enough if we’re not ok on the onside. Will I take it as a struggling moment, lashing out at those around me for not affirming me? Or, will I embrace the moment and see it as an opportunity to cleanse away the false security and build a more solid foundation on the inside?

Maybe we’re struggling because we’ve gone through major changes in recent years. A new job. A new home.  A broken relationship. We miss what once was. We miss what we used to know. We miss the familiar. Familiar faces. Familiar responsibilities. Familiar landscape. Will I see it as a struggling moment, fighting to return to the familiar? Or will I embrace the moment and see it as an opportunity for something new, for adventure, for growth?

Whatever the reasons for the struggling moments of life, such moments challenge us. Will we be able to dig deep enough to walk through it victoriously? Or, will we give in to the desire to lash out? to judge? to blame? May we desire to stay steady, to persevere, to remain steadfast during those emotional roller coaster rides.  And as we do so, may we learn to embrace such moments as moments of cleansing so that we may become more who we were designed to be.

…most people overestimate the importance of events and underestimate the power of processes.
- John Maxwell

We are a quick fix society. Whatever it is that we want, we want it quickly…and we want it without pain and difficulty. John Maxwell, in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, explains that becoming a leader is a process, not an event. I  think this applies to living life by design. To align our lives with our design is a process.  It is not a quick fix. It is not an event. It is a life-time commitment to continually grow and become more and more the person I was designed to be.

We love events. We love the excitement. We love the energy. We love the feel-good emotions that go with a successful  event. But events won’t take us to where we really want to go. Eventually, the excitement dies, the energy wanes…and we need another event to get us back on a high. Then the cycle starts over again…

Events have their place. They are great catalysts for raising awareness and excitement, but effective and lasting change requires a process. As a trainer, I see this all the time. The training event is a great way to raise awareness, to learn new skills, to assimilate information – but lasting change takes much longer that a 2-day workshop. Lasting change requires steady perseverance, unrelenting commitment, and engaging in a process.

John Maxwell lists the following comparison:

May we become people willing to engage in the process of living life by design.

There are three kinds of people. Those that are chasing after something, those that are running from something, …and those that are standing still. …The world opens up to those that are standing still.     -Moses, a character in the book “Bad Ground” by W. Dale Cramer

I read this quote recently and it has caused me to ponder… Is there truth in what this character shares in this fictional story? Are there three kinds of people: those that are chasing something, those that are running from something, and those that are standing still?  Possibly we fit into each of these groups at different times in our lives, but where do we spend most of our time?

I am a strong proponent of pursuing our dreams, setting goals, and living life with purpose – which may seem that I fit in the ‘chasing something’ category. How does that mesh with ‘standing still’? Maybe the Moses character in this book is emphasizing the importance of regularly scheduled (or unscheduled) moments of standing still, or maybe it’s more of a lifestyle, or a combination of these ideas. (That’s why I like fiction! We are free to interpret it in the way we identify – or not identify - with it.)

Standing still. Moments of reflection, moments of seemingly nothingness. Yet, those same moments become ‘the world opening up before us’. In order for us to be able to pursue our dreams, accomplish our goals, and live life with purpose, I think we need consistent moments of standing still.

It is in those moments of “standing still” that circumstances begin to look different, priorities shift, and life takes on a fuller meaning. We stop just chasing something, or running from something.  Moments of standing still on the outside results in a lifestyle of being able to stand still on the inside, in spite of what life throws at us.

Are we taking time for those moments of standing still? Your standing still make look different than mine. I tend to go walking along the shoreline of a nearby reservoir, or a bike ride through the countryside, or just lay in the grass and watch the clouds roll by.

These moments of standing still are likely a mix of very brief moments and extended periods of time. I recently had a period of 1-2 weeks where I craved clarity, direction, and even conviction in the areas needed. I yearned for an extended moment of standing still. I turned off the TV, the radio, the CDs, …even conversations with friends, to a degree. Did the world open up before me in the midst of standing still? I don’t think I would’ve used those words before reading the quote above, but in a way, maybe it did. I came away with a peace and a settledness within, and a resolve to pursue all that I am designed to be. Maybe that is what the character Moses is getting at when he says the world opens up before those that stand still.

What about you? What do your moments of standing still look like? How does the world open up before you in the midst of standing still?

We’re still not where we’re going but we’re still not where we were.
-Natasha Josefowitz

For those of you who have a really hard time knowing who you are—what you like, what you want, what your purpose is—this post is for you. I used to be at the same place. Years ago I could not tell you much about myself—what I liked, what were my dreams, what I wanted out of life. If you are at a similar place, let me share how you can begin to discover the real you.

There are many ways to begin this journey. One of those ways that we’ll look at this week is our emotions. Our emotions tell us a lot about who we are. Our emotions can reveal to us what is going on deep within us. Sometimes what emotions reveal is good, other times—well, maybe not so good. If we’re experiencing similar emotions over and over when in a similar setting, it may have to do with who we are and how we are individually designed. Emotions that occur again and again indicate that something is being touched deep inside of us—and it may just have to do with our design, with who we really are.

Two of the strongest emotions that can reveal what’s deep inside of us are anger and tears. Tears aren’t really an emotion – it’s the result of various emotions. But for this discussion(!), we’ll call tears an emotion.

Let’s start with anger. Have you ever been talking with someone and out of the blue they say something and just like that you feel your anger rising to the surface? That just happened to me yesterday! In that case, I thought it best to quickly walk away – so I did. But I haven’t walked away from the emotion. My goal is to look at that anger, discover what is going on underneath it, then deal with it appropriately.

As we process through anger, we’ll often find that a disappointment may be underneath. As we allow the disappointment to surface, the tears fall and the heart aches. As we continue to unpack the emotions, we may begin to realize that our reactions reveal more about who we are.

Let’s go back to my anger moment yesterday. I have yet to completely unpack the emotions, but as I ponder the moment, there may be several things going on. One, it’s possible that I have allowed boundaries to be crossed—which means, I may be sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy. In the long run, that doesn’t work. I cannot make that person happy, but more importantly, if I can identify that boundary, then I have just learned more about how I am designed. The other thing that could be going on is that the person is making choices that do not align with something that I am passionate about. That will naturally make me angry. The anger isn’t necessarily wrong. In fact, the anger is actually very helpful in helping me understand how I am designed.

If I go back to that ‘anger’ moment, I realize that one of my passions is helping others realize and understand who they really are – so they can live life aligned to their design.  When I see a decision being made that seemingly takes them farther from that realization, something within me will react. It’s a part of my design.

The other emotion that tells us about ourselves is ‘tears’—those times where we are deeply moved. It may be from something we hear, or something we see. Maybe it happens when we’re standing on the beach, or maybe it surfaces while reading a book, or when we hear a stirring piece of music. Such recurring moments reveal more about who we are. Study those moments. What is it about the moment that touches us so deeply? It will be different for each of us, but those moments are insightful treasures.

Let me give you an example. I am in a season of seemingly too many tearful moments. They come quickly and they come unexpectedly. Yet, even as I sometimes fight those tears, I sense there’s something much deeper going on. I have yet to know what it is all about, but as each of these ‘treasured’ moments occurs, something else is released inside and I’m learning a bit more about who I am and how I am designed.

What about you? What brings your emotions to the surface? Let’s pay attention to those emotions and begin to understand who we really are and how we are uniquely designed.

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